As the holidays have been in full swing so have my emotions. I knew this would be hard on us, I knew it but I can't explain the emtoions. Christmas 2015 we knew we'd have an addition to our family and now all we have is a memory. For every way I envisioned Christmas going this year I was wrong. I thought we'd have a child with us, then learned of Aurora's diagnosis and prepared myself knowing we'd probably be in the hospital during Christmas; and just as life always is so unfair, I quickly learned how wrong I was and I hate it. Now it's just us, no Aurora, no baby's first Christmas, no with Santa pictures, no Christmas family photo, not even a sick baby in the hospital we have none of that. I feel for the families who are in the hospital with their children and know by any means its not easy or desired but im simply just saying I would want it if it meant I had Aurora. However I can't be doom and gloom and Hate the holidays away because what I do have is memories of my daughter, and beautiful photos and videos that captured her peace. I have wonderful supporting family and friends, I've received so many special keepsakes for our Aurora to help include her this Christmas. I have an amazing husband who has been here through every question I've had , every tear I've cried, every time I said "a hug, just give me a hug" he's been there delivering them with love. As bad as I hurt I know Justin is hurting just as bad but to have a spouse, a partner, a father to our daughter as strong as him is such a blessing. Through the days where I lash out over simple things or just cry non stop and there's no consoling me, Justin has been there. The other most important thing I have is love in my heart and God as my savior without God I'd have no love, I would only carry bitterness and anger inside towards everything. So when there are a million reasons I could scream and cry that this life isn't fair and I've been robbed of my child, I simply refuse to turn into a bitter angry person and slip into a hate filled outlook on life. Instead I'm striving to be just as I would if Aurora was here physically. I want to love unconditionally I want to see the blessings we do have, and I want to learn to live life with joy even after her passing. If Aurora is looking down on us I want her to be proud of her parents and know we include her in everything we do. I want God to use me in a way that's pleasing to him and helpful to others in any way. So to our family and friends we wish you a Merry Christmas and thank you for helping us through the holidays with kind words, cards, and gifts to remember our daughter!
-Tealah and Justin
**If you have been directed to this blog to read about Aurora's journey you can read her peaceful day under "aurora the miracle butterfly'
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